I Won't Be Seeing You Tomorrow
by eclarefanaticxoxo
Summary: "I know that you're really burning inside, from everything that has hurt you. And I know I promised I would never leave you. But I have to. And I have to do it this way."


**Hi So I wrote this…and its kind of sad. Majorly depressing. I hope you enjoy anyway.**

**Note: the bold and italic conversations take place in Eli's house, all in the same night.**

**Note: the regular font is just Eli speaking in the future**

Tomorrow

"You were always so sweet. Always strived to be so sweet."

"_**You promised you would come over tonight. You promised."**_

"_**Eli, no, I didn't…"**_

"_**You're lying. You did. You're going to leave me. I don't understand."**_

"_**Eli, please, stop. I…I can try to come over tonight."**_

I slowly sat down on the slightly wet grass, getting damper by the second from the steady drizzle that was coming down from the opening sky. A tremble of thunder rocked through the thick and humid air, but then its vibrations slowly died down. I stared out at the gray sky.

"You always tried to be good to everything. Everybody. Me. No matter how much it hurt you."

"_**Hello?"**_

"_**Clare, its 7:30. You said you'd be at my house at 7:20. That's what you said."**_

"_**Eli, I'm sorry, I'm still driving, and there was traffic-"**_

"_**Why are you doing this to me?"**_

A red rose with delicate petals fell from my hand and softly hit the ground. Its head rested against the carved stone in front of me, the contrast of the bright red and dark gray prominent.

"But you shouldn't have been that way."

"_**Eli, please, I'm not doing anything to you. I'm going to be at your house soon. You need to relax."**_

"_**I can't relax. You were supposed to be here ten minutes ago, and you weren't."**_

"_**Eli-"**_

"_**You weren't. You weren't there. You're never there for me."**_

A tear trickled down my cheek as I quickly raised my hand to wipe it away. I had told myself I wouldn't cry, no matter how much it hurt to be here, but of course I couldn't maintain promises to anyone, especially myself.

"Because if you hadn't been…"

"_**Eli, I'm pulling into your driveway now."**_

"_**I don't see why you're here. It's not like you care about me."**_

"_**Eli, that isn't true-"**_

"_**No! It is! You're just like Julia! You…you say you love me but then you're just going to take yourself away!"**_

I took a deep breath, and the storm that was brewing around me seemed to pause, as if waiting for me to admit what had been tearing me up inside. The wind suddenly ceased to blow, giving the tree's branches a chance to let their weight relax.

"Then you wouldn't have tried to fix me."

"_**Eli, everything is going to be fine, just breathe, and lay down on the couch. Everything is going to be fine."**_

"_**No it's not, no it's fucking not, you want to leave me! That's why you were late getting here- because you don't want to be with me!"**_

"_**Eli-"**_

"_**You want to leave me, Clare- I can see it in your eyes."**_

Everything around me was still paused, still frozen in time, knowing that I still had one more thing to say. I swallowed hard, my head bowing down in shame as the weight of the guilt overpowered me. The flower I had brought was out of my hands; I had nothing to grip on to try and lessen the agony vitalizing itself inside of me. A shattered breath entered my nose and rattled out through my lips.

"And you wouldn't have died."

"_**Eli…what are you doing?"**_

"_**What does it look like I'm doing?"**_

"_**Don't, Eli. Please don't. I can't take this."**_

"_**Don't leave me Clare."**_

An earsplitting boom erupted from the flash of lightning that flickered across the sky, the blinding light stunning my vision for a moment. As my heart pounded hard, startled from the lightning, it gave me a strange sense of déjà vu. And then I realized the reason why I felt it was because this was the way my heart had been beating on the day my mind would never forget.

"I loved you so much. I still do."

"_**Eli…put it down."**_

"_**No."**_

"_**Eli…please put it down."**_

"_**Promise you'll never leave me."**_

The raindrops suddenly picked up their speed and size, becoming faster and bigger as they shot down from the sky. Thunder rumbled through the small area that represented death, and then faded away. I stared at the stone as my eyes glazed over.

"I pushed you to this point, I know. I know how needy I was. I remember how much you tried to help me, but you couldn't."

"_**Eli…Eli...please don't."**_

"_**No."**_

"_**Eli stop it! Just stop it! Stop, stop, stop!"**_

"…_**Clare?"**_

The tears that I had been fighting hard again won and the liquid rose in my eyes, spilling over my cheeks and rolling off my face, blending in with the other raindrops. My body shivered with the cold, the water from the skies soaking my clothes.

"I know-" I stopped myself and took a deep breath, the tears coming faster.

"I know I was needy. I know how much I always wanted you to be around me. But I was scared, Clare, scared I would lose you. I didn't realize I was only increasing those chances by being so clingy and intense with you. I only did it out of love. I didn't want to lose you."

"_**I can't take this! I can't take it!"**_

"_**Where are you going!"**_

"_**I don't know! I can't be here anymore!"**_

"_**Clare…no. You know what I'll do if you leave me."**_

A minor flash of lightning lit up the sky.

"It was so wrong of me. I didn't…I wasn't serious when I said…those things. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just so terrified of losing you…and you were getting so sick of me trying to be with you all the time…I was scared. I wasn't thinking straight. I would never hurt you like that, would never, ever do anything to purposely harm you…I was only trying to keep you close to me. And…"

"_**I…can't…take…it…"**_

"_**No Clare. Don't leave. Don't you dare leave."**_

"_**Eli, you're scaring me!"**_

"_**No I'm not."**_

The guilt tore through me as I struggled to articulate what I was trying to force out. The wind howled, the whistling sound it was making going higher and higher pitched until it stopped all together.

"I was only trying to keep you close to me," I repeated numbly. "And…telling you that I would…kill myself if you…if you ever left me-"

"_**Eli, yes you are scaring me! I can't…I need to go!"**_

"_**Clare, I swear if you leave-"**_

"_**Eli, please just stop-"**_

"_**I will pick up this knife and do it for real. And this time, you wouldn't be here to stop me. So you wouldn't want to leave. My suicide…it would be on your hands."**_

The lightning that struck was so strong this time it shook the entire sky and the ground, causing everything around me to turn a brilliant white for one moment, as if all the color of the world had been erased.

"I was so stupid. So incredibly stupid. I was too blind to see what I was doing to you. Too deranged to realize I was slowly driving you to…insanity. You couldn't take it anymore."

"_**Okay, Eli…I'll stay."**_

"_**How long?"**_

"_**Just until my curfew."**_

"_**Fine."**_

Everything about me was sopping wet from the frigid rain, my body parts freezing and beginning to fall asleep. I kept my eyes glued to the gravestone, reliving the painful memories of what I had said to the girl I loved.

"I should have seen what you were thinking that night. I had gone to far. I wouldn't have really killed myself- I was just so desperate for you to stay with me."

"_**Go to sleep, Eli."**_

"_**Lay down with me."**_

"_**I can't. I'll sit next to you while you sleep until my curfew."**_

"_**Will I see you tomorrow?"**_

The air became dead silent around me as I tilted my head towards the sky, ignoring the slight sting of the raindrops that landed in my eyes. I felt the water mix with my tears and rush down my face, dripping onto my rigid hands.

"I was so cruel to you. Playing with your heart, manipulating you, making you feel like a bad person all the time for not being with me 24/7."

"_**Eli, just sleep."**_

"_**Will I see you tomorrow?"**_

"_**I'm not sure."**_

"_**Clare, if I don't see you tomorrow I swear I'm done living."**_

"When I said that," I recollected quietly, staring out into the distance, not able to look at her tombstone. "I at first thought you hadn't heard. But then you kissed my forehead, got up, and left. I didn't even call after you. And because you left like that, I was angry. But I didn't know what you were doing."

I gripped my hands around the smooth stone that had just been carved standing in front of me.

"That night, November 29, Clare, you killed yourself. You also wrote your suicide notes to everyone. Including me."

I pulled the lined paper out of my pocket, the square worn and folded sloppily. I opened it up, and read it for what seemed like the hundredth time. And this would be the last time. Tomorrow, I was going to a center for six weeks to help me get over everything. And not just with Clare, but all my problems. After Clare's suicide, Cece and Bullfrog realized I needed help. And I knew I wouldn't be able to see Clare's grave in awhile. But I also knew that coming here often had to be of some offense to her grief-stricken family, so I was making this the last time. But it could never be enough.

_Eli,_

_Sometimes, it seemed like just yesterday I met you. That happy spark in your green eyes, your smile, everything you wore until you opened up to me. I know it isn't good to hide secrets but Eli, I miss you when you were like that. Because, honestly, I have fallen out of love with you. I know that you're really burning inside, from everything that has hurt you. And I know I promised I would never leave you. But I have to. And I have to do it this way. I couldn't deal with the guilt of your suicide. You keep saying how you're going to kill yourself if I ever leave you, and if I ever had to bear that guilt, I would die. Which is why I'm taking my life now, rather than ever. I just wouldn't be able to take it. I don't want you to think this is completely your fault. Eli, you have more than enough guilt than you can deal with. But I just had to tell you why I'm leaving this world. I thought you deserved to know. Sorry this is short, but I'm running out of time. Goodbye forever, Eli. I won't be seeing you tomorrow._

_-Clare_


End file.
